The Mailbag

Witchy picture just for decoration:

I should start by explaining that my profile tag line says “Mostly here to blog - select exceptions apply”.

Received at the end of March:

Let me be your exception. I'm a guitarist and I'll hold your curves like a fine instrument and make you sing.

Ok, that was super corny. But at least it wasn’t a crass suggestion to “fill all my holes” or something like that. He was my age and seemingly local, so I went to look at his profile - I’ll admit I do that for everybody, even those who are obviously unsuitable, just because I’m a curious kitty. Turned out he was married.

So I replied, “Thanks, but… you’re married, not my thing.”

Almost three weeks later (maybe after his “fine instrument” line bombed out with everyone else he approached?) he sent this:

Hey there, I hope you’re doing well! So here’s the deal. I’m offering you, without a doubt, some of the best sex of your life. I say this because I know what I’ve done for my past FWB’s. Lonely married women with husbands, who drop their load, roll off, roll over, and fall asleep. Leaving the poor woman diddling her clit and using a vibrator to finish the job he couldn’t or wouldn’t. I gave them what they yearned for and more. I made their pleasure more important than mine. And they always came back for more, wanting me to make them feel that way again. And I always did. All you’ll have to do is lay back and let me do all the work. You hold all the cards, but I guarantee it’ll be your loss if you decline. I’m here till June; you know where to find me.

I mean…I’m not lonely, I’m not married, and I’m pretty satisfied with my sex life. And “all you’ll have to do is lay back” is not my style. And apparently he’s not local after all!

I don’t plan on replying, but I think my readers could come up with some good comebacks.