An Amusing Thought
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been hanging out on Reddit lately and one of the sub-Reddits I follow is about menopause. I’ve been truly struck by the number of posts expressing pure rage, or coming to a realization that they actually don’t really like their husband (and vice versa).
A sampling of post titles:
Menopause is so fun. Hopefully I can keep from getting fired.
Menopause has made me realize that my family doesn’t like me.
Rage playlist - I’m looking for your loudest, ragiest, hardcore songs that I can add to my rage playlist
Losing it. Lost it.
Menopausal insanity?
I wanted to slap a teenage girl today
My marriage is over
Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t the majority of posts - most of them are about hormone replacement therapy and the usual variety of symptoms; hot flashes and night sweats, and so on. But I find it striking and it also brought me back to the post I did a while back about all of the women in the 50+ solo travel Fb group whose marriages ended at the drop of a hat.
In combination with that, I’ve been going through old posts and realized I’m coming up on twenty years since the end of my one live-together relationship. Yes, I’ve been living alone for twenty years. I think we can assume by now it’s going to be a permanent condition.
This got me to introspecting and wondering if I was difficult to live with during my 40’s. I honestly don’t remember having a lot of perimenopause symptoms, aside from occasional night sweats, and super heavy periods. I was also not getting great sleep, but I never put that off to peri. I think the GenX women are much more informed and hyper-aware of the various possible symptoms.
But yeah - it is distinctly possible that I developed more of a ‘take no bullshit’ attitude. This is another thing that comes up frequently in the forum. Many people posit the theory that estrogen is what makes women tender and caring and once it starts to decline, goodbye to being the accommodating peacemaker in the relationship. I’m pretty sure there isn’t any science behind this, but it resonates all the same.
I do remember being worried about menopause (knowing that my nine years older sister lost her libido and wished that her husband would just “get over it already"). And I remember him being irritated about that and not wanting to hear about it any more.
Was my perimenopause the reason that my partner took up with a woman twenty years younger than him? She was fit, probably juicy, and adoringly deferential. I’m sure that’s much more pleasant to be around. But I do acknowledge that our relationship had been on the rocks for a while.
So here’s my amusing thought. It’s twenty years later. I know they’re still together. And now probably SHE is going through perimenopause. I try to be a kind person, but I can’t help but hope that it includes a large dose of rage and feistiness for him to deal with.
It could be menopause has lessened my bullshit meter, or wisdom, or any number of other life experiences. Though, I lean towards the latter two.
ReplyDeleteI lived with a hormone imbalance for the first part of my adulthood . (At least from the time they started testing when I was 21. But given my infrequent menstrual cycles in adolescence, I suspect it was present then) that wasn’t “corrected” until I was thirty. My estrogen levels were minimal and testosterone was through the roof.
I was far more meek in my adolescence and twenties.
That said, menopause affects everyone differently so maybe I just got used to riding the hormone roller coaster earlier than most. 😂
My contribution to Petty Smarty: Here’s hoping your ex is experiencing the worst of it with her!
Very interesting, that your testosterone was through the roof and yet you were meek. Just goes to show that hormones aren't everything!
DeleteThank you for validating my pettiness. 😊
"Juicy"... fit AND deferential? That's a combo all right. 😂 Twenty years later is a pretty good record for anyone. And I'm sure the "good angel" in you didn't reelee mean all those things you hope for. 😲
ReplyDeleteHaving never gone through the "rage" but having been close to those who were, you might be right about all that estrogen vaporizing.
You're on reddit? I've realized THAT website is a rabbit hole deeper than I could have imagined. What a zoo! But it's a lot of fun. 👍
Well, the juicy part is just speculation of course.
DeleteI guess I'm not really serious about wishing misery on either one of them. They treated me quite badly but twenty years is a long time.
I wish there were emojis here. I would have tagged your comment with a simple — 😂👍 Go AskRedit, they'll ALL tell you how you should reeelee feel. 😲😂
DeleteOh if only Reddit had existed back then. I could have posted to AITA: Am I the asshole for keeping all of the equity in the house that *I* came up with all of the down payment for, and is in my name, and I have funded all improvements; after my 14 year boyfriend dumped me for a younger woman? LOL. Actually there was a recent post where people were up in arms because a woman had set up her will to have part of her estate go to relatives and part to her 10 year BF. They thought she should leave everything to her BF. After my experience, I don't think I would rely on someone being a "life partner" who you leave everything to; even after 10 years.
DeleteYou'd be a rock star over there with a "juicy" one like that to share. Reddit peeps are a different breed, with such extremes on display. BTW, thanks for the b-day wish, it's today.
DeleteHappy birthday! 🎂
DeleteI've only lived with post-menopausal women, so I've a lot to learn about menopause and its effects upon women, I'm discounting the idea of a male menopause.
ReplyDeleteI've not dabbled with Reddit but it's now tempting even if it's a rabbit hole. This site is more like a rabbit hutch with no escape!
I'm puzzled, and I'm guessing you meant PRE-menopausal since I doubt your first wife had already gone through the change. And if you did mean PRE that means that your wife is a fair amount younger than you!
DeleteI think Reddit is best used for information gathering about a topic that interests you. I've learned a lot in the AFib and menopause forums. But I'm about ready to quit the AFib forum because it's full of people who are WAY worse hypochondriacs than I am. They have one episode and they think they're dying.
No, I meant post-menopausal. I'm talking about someone who I lived with before my now wife.
DeleteThis so resonates with me and all I was feeling along with the hot flashes and changes my body went through while during menopause. I started just before turning 40 and finished in my mid 40's. Now at 61, the only flashes I do get are of my temper which is always going to be there regardless..lol. Good post..
ReplyDeleteI really didn't have serious problems during menopause. A couple of heavy periods, but I didn't think much of it. Periods were here one day, gone before I knew it.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'd be petty too, if a significant other dumped me for someone younger and would snicker in glee thinking the dude might be suffering through menopause rage and lower libido.
It occurs to me I can't really get TOO snarky since I'm now hanging out with a man who's 12 years younger than me. ; )
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