Desirability Differential

HWD was over Thursday night. We had been chatting on and off about taking pictures in my new shower, so we decided to experiment a bit - figuring out best spot in the bathroom to put the phone, seeing whether the shower glass would fog up just the right amount, etc.

HWD did some video of himself while I was undressing. It was hot. 😊 He has a very nice, lean body and I'm pretty sure the situation was arousing him, because while not erect, he looked very big. 🤭

Then he stopped that video and started a new one. We showered together, embraced, kissed, etc. Once we were all cleaned up we stopped the video, dried off, and climbed into bed to watch our not-exactly-a-sex-tape.

His first comment was, "Oh my god I'm so much shorter than you!" 😂 I mean, he knows that I'm taller, as he put it, "I know that my chin only comes up to your shoulder but I never realized what it looks like from the outside".

My overall reaction was that I didn't like how my body looked. 😒 I've had weight creep back on since my low point about a year ago. Not the whole 50 pounds! More like 10-12 pounds. I said to HWD, "you know how when you look in the mirror, you sort of arrange yourself so that what you're seeing looks good to you? And then when you see a candid, unposed, photo, it's a shock?" He agreed.

So, after some discussion he agreed to delete the second video with both of us (we had taken the video on his phone). As he deleted it, he said "this makes my heart hurt a little bit". He thought the video was hot - all I could see was that my breasts are starting to droop (that's always been one thing I had going for me, that my little ta-ta's are still perky) and my waistline is thick.

Then coincidentally, yesterday as I was continuing my purge of past posts on AFF, I came across this post from 2012 that generated a lot of discussion. I wrote it after having a meet with a guy who was a real catch.... I had connected with him on the vanilla dating site I was using back then.

Here's the old post:
"Friday evening I had drinks with guy who was ten years younger and quite handsome (at least to MY tastes...). And not dumb handsome, either - he is a partner/founder of a company and seems to be doing quite well for himself. Now, I'm sure cleavagefan will scold me for lack of self confidence, but I know I don't stand a chance. In the follow-up emails after we had drinks, he indirectly made it fairly clear that it was just a pleasant "have drinks and compare notes about our online experiences" meet (hey, I am not obtuse - if someone says thank you but doesn't say, "Let's do this again", I get the message).

It's a bit depressing, because he would be very right in a few different ways - he loves the same kind of music I do, he likes bicycling (and is training for a duathlon later this summer), he's sexually adventurous...

But I do believe that people tend to link up with others who are at a similar level of desirability. I'm attractive enough for my age but I think even if he miraculously became interested in me, I would always be aware of the looks differential caused by the ten year age difference (unless I go get a chin tuck and, well, a full body lift). I think being the less-desirable partner of a pair puts one at a disadvantage, always feeling a little insecure.

So, this evening I'm having drinks with a guy who's ten years older. He also likes bicycling, and seems like a kind, intelligent man. I don't think the music connection is there, but that's been a pretty rare thing among men that I've met.

Obviously I wouldn't pursue anything unless it turns out we like each other - but is it extremely calculating to think that I may be better off to be with someone who is grateful to have someone younger...rather than the flip scenario?

Have any of you ever been paired with someone who you perceived to be much more attractive than you? How'd it go? Did you have other "compensating" attributes that reduced the differential?" 

Back to today. I think it's funny that I'm still attracted to younger men (that 10 year older guy didn't work out; he seemed really old to me, he probably was the age I am now hahaha!!!). And I'm still feeling a little insecure about the age differential...